There’s something disconcerting about watching meat getting cut up on screen. Of course slicing and dicing humans is fine, hell it’s even funny sometimes as the myriad of slasher films attest. What could be more hysterical than watching some poor victim frantically trying to scoop their entrails back into their belly? Good times for sure.
But the daily goings on in a butchers shop? Well that’s downright terrifying. The cover of Meat (Accent), with a seemingly traumatised naked woman on the cover, suggests the typical women in peril torture porn. But if you look a little closer at her expression she’s sad, almost wistful. The precise tone is a little difficult to gauge, much like the film itself. Meat is set in a butcher’s shop, with some of the least appealing produce you can imagine. Yet it’s a highly sexual shop with the overweight perennially sweating butcher just popping into the cool room with the boss for a little game of hide the salami. Later he molests his co-worker, whispering all the disgusting things he’d like to do to her in her ear. Yet in what can only be described as shockingly poor judgement she succumbs to creepy butcher in a very explicit shower scene. Later she eats a bug.
To say this Dutch film is strange is an understatement. You’ve never seen film-making this compelling and incoherent. It’s the work of Victor Nieuwenhuijs and Maartje Seyferth, a couple of experimental filmmakers, and Meat is apparently their most straight up narrative work to date. It’s ostensibly a murder mystery, or would be if it weren’t tangenting all the time. You get the sense that in Meat fantasy and reality are virtually indistinguishable. The detective looks freakishly like the deceased, everyone is having sex with each other, and characters act and react in strange, twisted and absurd ways.
There are films that work well with drugs, then there are films that are drugs themselves, and render whatever you’ve chosen to imbibe useless. The 33D Invader (Eastern Eye) is so insane, such a bizarre mash of clichés and demented ideas that it’s nothing short of a weapon. Imagine Porky’s meets Terminator, set in Hong Kong and sprinkled with liberal twists of perversity, such as the local hood forced to consume the severed phalluses of his henchmen, a geek ejaculating over his teachers face, who then licks his lips, and aliens who tie a knot in a baddy’s penis. If you’re noting a pattern it’s probably because you’re a pervert.
The plot (if you can call it that) involves a sexy naked alien women sent from 2046 to mate with a healthy human after radiation has rendered humanity infertile. Yet like Terminator there are a couple of killers on the loose intent on stopping her. Though unlike Terminator they do this by trying to rape her.
With zany sound effects, never ending gratuitous sex scenes and slapstick that is dripping with cheese, this is startlingly terrible and amazingly wrong filmmaking that you can only imagine was written and directed by a horny 15 year old boy who will grow up to become a sexual predator.